Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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