Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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