If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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