my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
