Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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