i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
