I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
