I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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