u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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