Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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