Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
