If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Apparently you make a good broom.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
