Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
