Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
