she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
