I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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