You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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