i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
