We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
