Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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