I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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