I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
