WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Too much gin, very little bucket
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
