he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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