two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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