I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
