That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
