I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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