I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
