Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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