Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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