shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I will pee on everything he values.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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