For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
