His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wish my penis had an off switch
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
