yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
