Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
