i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
