there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
