TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
