what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
