i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i black out too much to be "responsible"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
