I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
