I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
