she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
