i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you would pick up someone in the library
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
