Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
