he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize