I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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