I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
