Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
