if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
