Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
