Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
