Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
